How to
tell Him No
For some men being assertive is no easy task.
The idea of telling someone no becomes even harder - especially when
they believe that they would be starting a disagreement that could end up
causing a problem, be it on a date or in a relationship. Many men do not
want to stir up any problems - even if that means staying silent and hurting
themselves in the process. This article is all about telling him no in a
way that won't offend him, yet will keep you from doing whatever it was that
you didn't want to do.
The important thing to know is that you shouldn't
have to apologize for who you are, or what you want. What many people do
not understand is that being assertive isn't neccessarily a bad thing. It
does not mean you are aggressive, pushy, or that you only think of yourself.
What being assertive does mean is that you understand the importance of seeing
to your own needs, and that you have certain standards you place upon yourself
and society - standards that you uphold.
Be pre-prepared , if you can: if you are sure
about what you are saying before hand, then you aren't going to fumble over
your words, or just blurt something out that comes out in an offensive way.
Being prepared also prevents tension on your part. And if you are nervous
you might just end up 'speaking before thinking' and that could backfire
on you. However, using these assertive 'techniques' can save your date, and
make things continue to go smoothly in your relationship.
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Respect
Yourself - and He Will,
Too!
Being assertive is your first step in telling him 'no'
in a way that isn't going to offend him. In fact, when you respect yourself
enough to say 'no', you also gain his respect, too! if you have little or
no respect for yourself, how can you expect anybody else to be impressed
with you, either?
Be Honest
If you really want to get your new guy's attention
do not hold anything back. If he finds out you're doing things you don't
like - just because he does - it could come off as more pathetic and 'whimpy',
rather than thoughtful or appealing. Most men aren't looking for doormats,
so don't attempt to give them one.
If you put certain men in certain situations
they are able to be assertive without question. If you ask a power bottom
to top he is going to tell you no. It holds no excitement for him, and he
doesn't want to do it, so that's all there is to say. You just need to consider
the feelings, likes, and dislikes of all involved. A simple "I don't want
too" or "I don't feel comfortable doing that" should be enough to suffice
and to help you move right along with the date.
Don't Apologize
Practice being assertive without apologizing
for your choices, likes, or dislikes. When you are practicing your new
assertiveness you can try this method just about anywhere. If you able to
say no, but have to apologize throughout the process then you need to work
on that behavior. Nobody wants to do something that they think may hurt other
people, but you shouldn't have to compromise yourself, either. If someone
really cared about you, or others, they wouldn't put you (or them) in such
an uncomfortable position to begin with! Start practicing your
new assertiveness by returning something back to a store, or giving back
an order at a restaurant that you are unhappy with. Do not offer any explanation
as to why you are unhappy with the item by apologizing. A simple, "I would
like to return this, please" should work. If they ask additional questions
you may answer them, but do not apologize. YOU have nothing to apologize
for! If anything, you are the one that should be apologized to. If at a
restaurant explain
that your order was wrong, and ask that it be remade to your specifications
- but you should definitely not have to apologize for this situation. After
all, as long as you ordered things correctly to begin with then you were
not at fault, they were.
You have to be able to explain your needs before
you can communicate them to another person. If you are not able to do this
then you may end up in situations that you come to regret later. You should
always consider the bigger picture before you jump into anything with anyone.
Think of it like this, if you say no to what your partner (or friend) wants,
and they get upset or stop speaking to you, then it's obvious they never
were concerned with your thoughts or feelings to begin with.
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